It only took thirty seconds from when the ref said go for my footing to slip out from me on a high kick and my opponent to take advantage with numerous knees. My eye orbital and nose broke in those first thirty. It took two and a half rounds of back and forth for me to finally give in. I've spent the past three hours reading through forums of countless people ranting and raving. And all I can say is okay. I will not lie and say that I do not deserve it or that I am just gonna be a 'big boy' and ignore it. No. I will read each comment. I will take it in and remember it. Three years ago i found myself pretty much in a shitter. I lived a very unhealthy life style. I was a few twinkies short of being sent to fat camp. A good percentage of the people around me were involved in some sort of drugs or alcohol abuse. Instead of walking away from a confrontation I would sooner grab the nearest blunt object and swing away. In other words I was probably bound to end up in rehab or even prison. I did not have the time nor the drive to join any school sponsored sports. I work at a part time job to pay my own way. So when I fell into MMA I held on for dear life. This was a sport that breaks you mentally and physically. I understood all that. I accepted it and three days out of the week I would go the local wrestling room with bigger and more experienced guys who took pitty on me and let me grapple and spar with them. I would take my beatings and come back in the next day like the day before. Ready for another beating. Cause I knew it beat the alternative of falling into the scums of life. And eventually I was not taking such a bad beating all the time. I could stay in step and roll with the others and even showed some other guys a few things. I loved it all. The passion and strife you had to endure. I watched countless videos and read dozens of articles on technique. I do not lose my temper and focus now like I once did. I have a new found respect for people as a whole. A dream is to want to do something with your life. I absolutely love this sport. Every part of it. I spent a lot of sweat, blood and vomit doing it. I was stupid enough to think that I had finally reached that point where I was ready for actual competition. I spent many months after that night questioning everything I've ever done. So I'll read each comment, knowing full well that this is a mistake that I will live with for the rest of my life and I know there is nothing I can do to change people opinions on me if they do not even know me. I'll remember it tomorrow while I'm hitting mitts or grappling. And when I feel like quitting I won't. Just for all of you.
Every day of our lives we are tested. How we get through that day is what counts.
